Crazy Uncles
by Durbe the Barian
Summary: Having a grandmother was great. Having a father figure was okay. But having two uncle figures? Eeh, that's too much craziness for such a small guy.


Bleach

Crazy Uncles

Humor/Family

Toshiro, Isshin, Ukitake, Kyoraku

Having a grandmother was great. Having a father figure was okay. But having two uncle figures!? Eeh, that's too much craziness for such a small guy.

(If I owned this stuff, Toshiro would have gone nuts by now.)

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><p>Crazy Uncles<p>

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><p>"Augh!" Isshin cried, his tears flooding down his cheeks. "I lost again!"<p>

Toshiro grinned. "I told you I was the undefeated champion in Junrinan," he said, picking his top up off the desk.

"I know," Isshin admitted, snatching his own from the ground. "But you didn't have to kill Daddy's special award winning top to prove it."

"You're not my father, so please stop calling yourself that," Toshiro sighed, putting his top in the drawer of the desk he and Rangiku were forced to share. "And since when did you ever win an award in spinning tops?"

At such a question, Isshin stood tall and placed his hand on his chin; his typical 'I'm a cool guy' routine. "Well," he said, "if you must know, I was placed first in the Shiba Clan Spinning Tops Competition."

"That's a family competition and you were up against a kid who didn't even know what a spinning top **was** until I showed him," Toshiro clarified, refusing to turn to face his Captain with such information.

"Oh, whatever," Isshin chuckled. "It's still a victory."

"I wouldn't call that a victory."

"Well, well," a voice suddenly said. "Is this the promising kid I've been hearing so much about?"

The entire room froze, though Toshiro was not to blame that time.

The two pairs of eyes that were in the room were directed to the Captain that had entered.

Shunsui Kyoraku.

With the tip of his straw hat, Kyoraku said the one thing that Toshiro absolutely never wanted to hear.

"He's shorter than I pictured."

Those five words were more than capable of blowing away any and all thoughts that Toshiro might have been thinking, replacing them with only one thing.

"I'm not short!"

In that instant, he tried to jump forward, only to be stopped by Isshin grabbing his collar. "Hey, Shunsui," Isshin said, giving a mock salute to the Captain before him. "Glad you were able to make it."

"Captain!" Toshiro exclaimed, reaching for the fingers that kept him suspended in the air. "Let me go!"

"Sure," Isshin said, doing as the boy requested and allowing him to fall on his rear end.

With a low groan, Toshiro looked back up to his Captain and rubbed the sensation back to his lower body. "Shiba Taicho!"

Isshin only chuckled as the sound of fast moving feet came their way. "Now what is it?" Toshiro asked, seconds before jumping at the sight of a white haired ghost flying into the office.

"Isshin! What's this I hear about you adopting a son?!"

Those were the words that came from the ghost, much to Toshiro's growing chagrin.

Wait. Adopted WHAT?!

"Excellent timing, Ukitake," Isshin said, patting Toshiro's head as he got up from the ground. "This is my little son here-"

"Taicho!" Toshiro shouted. "I'm not your son! Stop spreading lies that sound remotely true!*"

"Well, this kid's got a good set of lungs on him," Kyoraku said.

"Doesn't he, though?" Isshin asked with a grin, ruffling his Third Seat's hair.

"Taicho...," Toshiro growled.

"Anyway, where are my manners?" Isshin continued. "This is my son-"

"Third Seat," Toshiro clarified.

"Toshiro Hitsugaya. Toshiro, these are your uncles, Jushiro Ukitake and Shunsui Kyoraku."

"They aren't my uncles. They aren't even your brothers!"

But naturally, Ukitake was the only one to not hear that part.

"He's a 'Shiro?'" he asked, his eyes sparkling like stars.

"That's what I heard," Kyoraku said.

Seconds later, Isshin moved his hand away to allow Ukitake to rub Toshiro's head next.

Naturally, the young Shinigami was more than a little annoyed.

"Would you like some candy, Hitsugaya-kun?" Ukitake asked with a light smile.

"Some what?" Toshiro couldn't help but ask, eyebrow twitching in irritation.

Ukitake nodded eagerly.

"Uhh...I appreciate the offer...but I'm not really into sweets," Toshiro said, almost uneasily.

"Says the boy who devours amanatto when his grandmother sends him a bunch," Isshin couldn't help but input.

"That's different!" Toshiro denied. "Granny called them a healthy sweet!"

"A healthy sweet?" Kyoraku asked. "Is there really such a thing?"

Toshiro gave no answer. Instead, he regained his previously lost composure and bowed to the Captains. "It was a pleasure meeting you," he said, "but I have work to do. Please excuse me."

"Isshin, do you have a workaholic on this Squad?" Kyoraku asked. "That's gonna make him too stiff."

"I'm trying to get him to loosen up, but it just ain't working," Isshin responded.

"If I don't do it, the work will never get done," was Toshiro's justification as he left the office.

Once he was out of earshot, Kyoraku sighed. "Something tells me that kid won't be a very good drinking buddy when he gets older," he said, rubbing the back of his mane of hair.

"I doubt it," Isshin agreed. "I have to hide my sake when he's around, or he'll get rid of it, because I'm not supposed to be drinking while I'm on duty."

"Who gave him the Squad Rule Book?"

Not even Ukitake could answer that one.

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><p>Later that day, Isshin cleaned up the papers in the office. Rangiku had come and gone, unsurprisingly, while Toshiro returned to finish up some paperwork. Again, that was something that Isshin wasn't too surprised about. Toshiro was one of those people who rarely felt comfortable around three crazy guys. Not to mention, he had been told that they were effectively his 'uncles' and that would be stressful for any young kid in Squad Ten.<p>

Natural. So no wonder he didn't question it when Toshiro poked his head inside after dinner and looked around to see if the 'old geezers' were gone. ←[Did Toshiro actually call them GEEZERS?]

"Thanks for helping out today, Toshiro," Isshin said with a smile. "You've been a great help."

He looked back for only a second, then smiled a little bit.

Toshiro had fallen asleep at the Lieutenant's desk, his arms becoming his pillow.

Isshin let out a chuckle. Then he pulled his haori off of his shoulders and draped it over Tohiro's small frame. "I guess meeting a couple of old geezers really took it out of you, huh, Toshiro," he said, his voice nearing his approximation of a whisper.

The young Third Seat gave no answer, other than a slight shift in his sleeping position.

A slight shift that allowed his paperwork to be shown.

Curiosity grabbed Isshin faster than he could grab Toshiro in the mornings. Pulling one of the papers away, he found that it was just something that Toshiro had been messing around with during his time of boredom. It had nothing more than random names that he had written down, possibly to practice his calligraphy if anything else.

Or so Isshin thought, as he examined the characters that Toshiro had put down.

Then he raised an eyebrow.

Now how could Toshiro have gotten one of the characters for 'Isshin' mixed up with the character for 'Father?'

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><p>*- Remember when Ichigo had to wash the dishes at the Vizards? If you do, you should get the joke.<p>

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><p><strong>D.T.B: Crazy uncles. Insane daddy. Sleepy Shiro.<strong>

**Toshiro: Stop calling me that!**

**D.T.B: You've gotta admit that it was cute! **

**Isshin: My boy! Give Daddy a hug!**

**Toshiro: YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!**

**D.T.B: [sigh] Anyway, please review and we'll see you later.**


End file.
